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8.3.04

BRB... 

This blog will be temporarily suspended, due to lack of time, dedication, inspiration, etcetcetc.

Will write again some time next month.




28.2.04

On the Friday Five 

This week's Friday 5 have nothing to do with me, given that I don't like nor assist to carnivals or anything like that. Maybe the Love Parade, but nor quite enough to answer the q's.

I know nobody gives a shit, but anyway...

Oh, right, DarkAngel broke his front crossed ligaments (knee), will have an operation next month, and will be unable to walk properly for like 9 to 12 months. This naturally excludes soccer as well. Just so you'd know, if you want to send your condolences and shit.

:( Get well soon, dear cousin!!


"... and if you go, furious angels will bring you back to me." -- Rob Dougan

I know the truth now 

So I had my first week of midterms. Already halfway through them, which is definitely an advantage.

Started out with International Human Resource Management. I was exempt of half the exam due to "clever" and frequent participation in in-class discussions. "Clever", because I really didn't say that much, I just spat out whatever came to mind, so I bullshitted my way out of half the exam without knowing it until the end. 'Twas quite easy, I must say. Actually, the class after the exam, I was late, so the discussion was already underway. After taking five minutes for getting the thread of the story I started participating, to the point where near the end of the class the teacher had me shut up. Well, that's life: too much bullshit will fuck you up.

I had two more exams the next day, thursday: Financial Analysis and Something, and Labor Law. The first one was quite tricky, and most people did really badly, for two main reasons: one, the subject requires a larger usage of neurons than they're used to; and two, the teacher gives the lectures in spanish and has us do the test in english. Now, this last reason is a factor partly because very few people in the class actually defend ourselves well enough in english, and also because the technical terminology, as in any subject, becomes quite confusing and difficult to translate correctly every time; especially if you're not that familiar with it. So basically the techer fucked many people up for the exam. I am confident that my result will be above average, though. Hope I'm right.

For Labor Law, I was supposed to analyze and comment two types of labor contracts according to this country's law. I chose Tuition's, and Insurance Policy Vendor's. However, the first one I totally fucked up out of sheer ignorance, as I interpreted the contract to regulate a business existent when someone hires a teacher for something. Naturally, it's a Labor contract, so the real thing was the business existent when some junior professional or something gets practical tuition in a company or something like that. So the parts were inverted (the apprentice is really the employee, whereas in my analysis it was the other way around). Anyone who mildly knows me will notice that my frustration was beyond all boundaries, even though I noticed the mistake ontime and could correct it accordingly. That ruined my day, for the time being.

Called Reptilia later, and she told me she had a shitty exam as well, and the doctors basically killed her in it, so that didn't help much. Two frustrated people are not that good support for each other. Thursday, in short, was not good.

Logistics And International Physical Distribution came on friday, and I basically flunked it thoroughly. I expect 40% at the most, but I hope I'm wrong. Had a bday party at night from a friend of my GF's (at a place called "La Tea" which translates, basically, into "the torch"), and had a good time, which represented quite a rest from the stress of the past four days.

Spent all day devoted to Reptilia today, and am getting ready to start some HW I have for monday. Thank God I have her, for otherwise my life would be totally monotonous and would, as usual, be on the brink of suicide.


"I'm blue, da ba di, da ba dai..." -- Eiffel 65

26.2.04

OMG, 6 days... 

Ok, I just noticed that this first week of midterms has been demanding.

It's been 6 days since my last post.

I shall make an effort to update with somehing additional to tomorrow's Friday 5 during the weekend.

For now, just this, 'cause a Logistics midterm awaits me less than 9 hours from now.

And I don't know crap about it.


"Such an ignorant thing to do, if the russians love their children too..." -- Sting

20.2.04

Las Cinco del Viernes 

1)Si pudieras viajar 7 años hacia el pasado ¿Qué advertencia te darías a tí mismo(a)?


Man, don't fuck around with that dope, ferreal.

2)Define tu vida en solo 3 palabras.


My life in 3 words: I hate it.

3)Tu casa se está incendiando. Todos tus seres queridos y mascotas ya están a salvo, y sólo falta que salgas tú. Sólo hay tiempo de cargar con un objeto de tu habitación ¿Qué cosa rescatas?


My wallet.

4)¿Qué tienes actualmente como wallpaper en tu monitor?


A cd cover, amplified. Dimmu Borgir, "Spiritual Black Dimensions". I like the artwork.

5)¿Qué es lo más aterrador que podría sucederte?


Right now, losing my baby girl.


"Good night, baby boy." -- Reptilia

Google 

So I found out that if you type "Primus Inter Pares" into Google, and make it search, this page comes out first.

Wow.

Yeah, I know, big deal, but what the heck, I like it.

Hehe :p


"Sleep with one eye open, gripping your pillow tight..." -- Metallica

18.2.04

Shopping for a cellphone... company 

AT&T wireless was bought like today or yesterday by Cingular.

41 billion dollars (41.000 millones, para evitar confusiones).

That's a shitload of money, says I.

Wonder if anyone would be interested in investing in one of the crappy cellphone companies we got here, named Ola.

I mean, it's SHITTY, and will keep on being as such if they can't find an investor.

They could even buy the whole company for like 800 million dollars (1.95% of AT&T WL's price)

Anyway, I've got another operator, so fuck it.


"My time is gone today, you flirt with suicide, sometimes that's ok..." -- KoRn

15.2.04

The art of not being understandable 

Actually, before it all happened, I was thinking that if it ever happened to me it would be kind of cool in a way. In fact, I thought that way about many things. When life catches up and decides to play with you, you notice that it may not be so cool. Even so, there are ways of thinking you do not change. I mean, even though I've learned things the hard way, I still think some stupid things may be cool if they happen to me. Like getting shot, u know? Yes, I know, it's stupid, but that's one of the things I was born with.

Yes, yes, I hear the criticism going: "But science has proven that you are not like that! I don't understand! Why are you saying this?" Well, believe it, anyone can be stupid, even if they're intelligent. That's probably what I would consider a big "discovery" in my life: stupid and intelligent are not opposites. It's not really a discovery because they're not opposites only in my mind, and I tend to be totally wrong, but I still believe it and take it as the truth. And this is not a discussion of semantics or whatever that's called. It's not a problem of technical meanings or anything like that. I have noticed that stupidity and intelligence go hand in hand inside of me.

But why is this all about me? This shows a little paranoia, because all bad things seem to revolve around me. It could also be egotism, as it's apparently all about me. Probably it's ignorance, as I have nothing else to write about but me. Even more, it could be nothing at all. I think it all depends on how much and whether you care.

But no, it's none of the above. This, dear reader, is just an expression of severe neurosis and something else which I don't know the technical name for but which was referred to by my psychiatrist as "complex personality". This is about me, because although there must be many people suffering this illness, I know none other but myself. And please, let me not get into the discussion of "are you sure you know yourself?" because I don't have enough neurons on shift today for that. I was diagnosed with that shit some time ago now, and I never really gave it much thought. Not even right now, but I felt the urge to write about it.

So what's so special about right now, you might ask. Or you may not, whatever, it makes no difference, as you will get the answer to the question regardless of the presence or not of its formulation. I am suffering what I like to call my trademark depressions, and there is something special about this one. I mean, they're generally well founded on some quite irrelevant detail in my life, or on exaggerations I make up about episodes of anything that go on during some time, or very seldom on important things I make a bigger deal out of than I should. Forgive me if I refuse to name the details on the reasons for my present mood, but that's not the point of this. This time, however, nothing really important has happened, or at least nothing deserving of this behavior of mine. I'm simply tired of... well, everything, as apocalyptic as it may sound, because naturally I say "everything" in a figurative sense.

And what is the relationship between this and my whining about the coexistence between stupidity and intelligence within my brain? Well, I feel stupid because of the situation, and even more because of my inability to control the possible outcomes this may have. I am particularly concerned about having Reptilia grow tired of me. I just feel like I'm out of control over my reactions when I feel like this. It's not like I get violent or anything mildly like that. Nor do I make a scandal of everything. It's just that... well, it's hard to explain, but my brain feels like overloading. Generally, I have logical threads of thought which sometimes I even manage to stitch or knit or tie together in some twisted way. But the basis of everything are the threads. In my present state, it takes a great effort to focus on anything. And it's not like my mind goes blank, but it just goes berserk. Naturally, most relationships between events that I manage to make during this time are totally illogical, but they manage to deeply (though momentarily) have an influence over the own little world I carry in my mind, generally negative in nature.

Ok, that's stupidity. Where's the intelligent part? Actually, under these emotions it is nowhere to be seen. Or maybe it is and I just don't notice, because it occured to me that it is precisely what keeps me alive through all these episodes. They are not that frequent, but according to my shrink it's still a higher-than-desirable frequency. I'm thinking that these episodes are just displays of it even, because in IQ tests and the like you are expected to establish relationships between objects, images, sequences, etc, and what gives you a high score (well,yes, I know there are other parts to the test, but in that specific part) is the ability to see and find relationships not many people find.

So I'm starting to develop the theory that stupidity is a temporary extreme display of intelligence. If this sounds stupid to you, you're ok, and if it doesn't, you're probably not, because there is absolutely no logic behind it if you look at it closely. But I'm drifting from my point.

Regarding the title of this post and some of the things I've written and you've read so far, the diagnosis given to me implies that people will not understand me, or at least that will be the case of the overwhelming majority of the people in this world. But hey, everyone feels like that in some part of their life, right? What it really means is that practically nobody will have the chain of thought from any specific event that I might have. Not because they don't have the ability to, it's just because they take a different path and that's it.

So what's so important about this? Well, nothing actually. I lost my point long ago. I just wanted to write something really intelligent and make it seem stupid, but I got the opposite. Or maybe it's just something stupid that looks even stupid-er. I dunno, I don't care. I'm depressed, so you can perfectly well shoot me right now and I would thank you for it.

I don't even know if any of this is true. Maybe I'm not even depressed but believe I am. Would that automatically make me depressed? Geez, I dunno about depressed, but I most certainly am confused.

And I've been like that for a long time now. Please refrain from commenting and forget what you just read. Thanks.


"Reach out for me, reach out..." -- Sasha

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